and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
