She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
