I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
