all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
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