this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
this just has baby written all over it
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
