I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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