I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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