finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
