This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
