The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
