He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
