He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
