You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
