Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
