I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
