Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
