Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
