I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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