You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Randomize
