You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
