Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
