new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
