Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
