even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
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