her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
This house was built for laser tag.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
