awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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