Define "chronic" masturbator.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Pants are for mortals
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
