She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
a search helicopter?!
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
