No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
