Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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