I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
