At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
