There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
