I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
