Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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