I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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