A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
