I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
