he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
