He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
You ruined the universe
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
