so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
