This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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