xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
