So drunk its hurt
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
