I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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