tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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