Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Randomize
