i already hear my dad disowning me
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
