I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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