using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
