My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
