theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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