Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
