Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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